Hey guys,
So, since I am wanting Reality check to be a weekly thing, I'll get started.
"Be the person you needed as a kid."
This one got me. I was always aiming to be thinner or be prettier but what I didn't realize was that I was supposed to me working on the inside. Coming from someone who grew up with depression I have to say that I needed someone who was good at listening, was always there for me, was stable, watched movies with me and more importantly someone who would just sit with me and talk about deep things on the stairs in the back garden. (I know oddly specific...) But that's who I needed so now I am working on how to become that person. Although, I already do most of these things I want to work on making them more prominent.
When I first meet someone, I don't want them to go away thinking I have nice eyes I want them going away thinking I was a good listener, easy to talk to, funny and had nice eyes.
If everyone was who they needed growing up then this world would be amazing. It wouldn't be perfect but it'd be pretty damn good.
Thanks and sorry for the short post but bye,
Girls alias.
Friday, 13 January 2017
Friday, 6 January 2017
How I told him I was in love with him..
Hey guys,
Welcome.
I figured I would make the 'Reality check' a weekly post but I thought I would just chat with you guys today...
Alright, so. Quick update on my life. In case you didn't know I am currently in college and when I was at a summer school I formed a huge crush on this guy! We met in early July and didn't see or talk to each other again till college actually began in September. The worst few months of my life as I wondered if I'd see him again or if he'd still remember me. So, since he didn't start for a little while after the course began I was left feeling distraught and disappointed even though I didn't know his last name.
He eventually came into college and did remember me and since then we've grown close FRIENDS but my crush on him turned into love and pretty much everyone knew about it except him. We'd both have flirtatious jokes and would mess with each other constantly, people often assumed we knew each other before college or were dating. But I didn't tell him how I felt and I waited too long because the other day he told me that he finally asked the girl he'd been taking on dates to be his girlfriend. Since it was just me and him in college doing work the pressure was on for me to act like I was proud of him even though it killed me inside. I've said it before and I'll say it again "As long as he's happy then that's the most important thing." But the 2 friends I told about it wanted to kill her. You know as you would...
To change the subject I accidentally said that he had 2 girls fall for him. *FACE PALM!!!!!!* He then began trying to work out who they were and since he see's himself as Sherlock Holmes he deduced that it was between me and another girl in class before ruling her out. I shrugged it off and never said that it wasn't me as I always dodged it by asking questions like 'Why would I like you?!'. 'What's my motives?!' and things like that but he was fully convinced. The annoying thing is, before he began working it out he told me to remember the words "Elastic band." (I'll get back to it in a minute).
When we were walking into town he decided to keep bringing it up so he sent me over tipping point and I confessed that it was me. I kind of played him on that since I kind of wanted to tell him to get a weight off of my shoulders. At first he was shocked but went on to continue smiling as he made jokes and we didn't make it awkward which is usually a profession of mine. So then I have to explain myself a little and I do but I only tell him I have a crush on him but I dropped myself in it when I accidentally said that I'd had a crush on him since the first thing we said to each other. (Which I fangirled over when he quoted it earlier in the day showing that he truly remembered). He began relieving the tension when he began chanting that I had feeling for him, loud enough for all the people to hear him. I jokingly shoved him and just before we left each other he said to remember the Elastic band.
When I questioned him about the elastic band it hit me and I felt like an idiot. So, earlier I was supposed to message my friend a message calling my feelings for him an elastic band because whenever I try and get over him, I'm dragged back to liking him and falling deeper, but me being the idiot that I am... I accidentally sent it to a small group chat that he was in.
"Ugh, I thought I was over him but the elastic band snapped back into shape :("
May I add that this was a week ago. He was thinking and wondering about the "Elastic band" for a week! Ugh, My brain is mush...
I haven't been overthinking it too much and am feeling pretty chill about it since we've messaged each other like nothings happened and the annoying thing is... It's made me like him more! I know he has a girlfriend now but it's not like I'm going to do anything. But telling him and asking him to not act differently around me really showed me how much he cared because he swore to not change and he kept my emotions in mind so I didn't go home crying.
But I did have my music in and I was told it was a sign that the only songs that played on shuffle were love songs which I don't listen to. At one point I was thinking to myself about being able to get over him now and then the song "Living a lie" played. *SIGH!!!*
I also couldn't sleep that night but not due to over thinking or anything but I put in my head phones and a song I didn't know I had played which described the whole situation too accurately.The chorus is literally:... "I hate you, I love you. I hate that I love you but I can't put nobody else above you. I hate you, I love you, I hate that I want you but you want her and you need her and I will never be her." It hit me deep and I did cry a little but after the first time hearing it I was okay with it and learned to love it.
Anyway, I think that's enough for today...
Girls alias.
Welcome.
I figured I would make the 'Reality check' a weekly post but I thought I would just chat with you guys today...
Alright, so. Quick update on my life. In case you didn't know I am currently in college and when I was at a summer school I formed a huge crush on this guy! We met in early July and didn't see or talk to each other again till college actually began in September. The worst few months of my life as I wondered if I'd see him again or if he'd still remember me. So, since he didn't start for a little while after the course began I was left feeling distraught and disappointed even though I didn't know his last name.
He eventually came into college and did remember me and since then we've grown close FRIENDS but my crush on him turned into love and pretty much everyone knew about it except him. We'd both have flirtatious jokes and would mess with each other constantly, people often assumed we knew each other before college or were dating. But I didn't tell him how I felt and I waited too long because the other day he told me that he finally asked the girl he'd been taking on dates to be his girlfriend. Since it was just me and him in college doing work the pressure was on for me to act like I was proud of him even though it killed me inside. I've said it before and I'll say it again "As long as he's happy then that's the most important thing." But the 2 friends I told about it wanted to kill her. You know as you would...
To change the subject I accidentally said that he had 2 girls fall for him. *FACE PALM!!!!!!* He then began trying to work out who they were and since he see's himself as Sherlock Holmes he deduced that it was between me and another girl in class before ruling her out. I shrugged it off and never said that it wasn't me as I always dodged it by asking questions like 'Why would I like you?!'. 'What's my motives?!' and things like that but he was fully convinced. The annoying thing is, before he began working it out he told me to remember the words "Elastic band." (I'll get back to it in a minute).
When we were walking into town he decided to keep bringing it up so he sent me over tipping point and I confessed that it was me. I kind of played him on that since I kind of wanted to tell him to get a weight off of my shoulders. At first he was shocked but went on to continue smiling as he made jokes and we didn't make it awkward which is usually a profession of mine. So then I have to explain myself a little and I do but I only tell him I have a crush on him but I dropped myself in it when I accidentally said that I'd had a crush on him since the first thing we said to each other. (Which I fangirled over when he quoted it earlier in the day showing that he truly remembered). He began relieving the tension when he began chanting that I had feeling for him, loud enough for all the people to hear him. I jokingly shoved him and just before we left each other he said to remember the Elastic band.
When I questioned him about the elastic band it hit me and I felt like an idiot. So, earlier I was supposed to message my friend a message calling my feelings for him an elastic band because whenever I try and get over him, I'm dragged back to liking him and falling deeper, but me being the idiot that I am... I accidentally sent it to a small group chat that he was in.
"Ugh, I thought I was over him but the elastic band snapped back into shape :("
May I add that this was a week ago. He was thinking and wondering about the "Elastic band" for a week! Ugh, My brain is mush...
I haven't been overthinking it too much and am feeling pretty chill about it since we've messaged each other like nothings happened and the annoying thing is... It's made me like him more! I know he has a girlfriend now but it's not like I'm going to do anything. But telling him and asking him to not act differently around me really showed me how much he cared because he swore to not change and he kept my emotions in mind so I didn't go home crying.
But I did have my music in and I was told it was a sign that the only songs that played on shuffle were love songs which I don't listen to. At one point I was thinking to myself about being able to get over him now and then the song "Living a lie" played. *SIGH!!!*
I also couldn't sleep that night but not due to over thinking or anything but I put in my head phones and a song I didn't know I had played which described the whole situation too accurately.The chorus is literally:... "I hate you, I love you. I hate that I love you but I can't put nobody else above you. I hate you, I love you, I hate that I want you but you want her and you need her and I will never be her." It hit me deep and I did cry a little but after the first time hearing it I was okay with it and learned to love it.
Anyway, I think that's enough for today...
Girls alias.
Sunday, 1 January 2017
"." Reality check!
Hey guys,
Welcome to my blog or if you're coming back then hello again.
Last night, the night of the new year, I didn't sleep. Not because I was partying hard but for other annoying reasons... Otherwise known as a screaming baby. No the baby is not mine before people start jumping to conclusions but the baby's mother is barely fit to be one and I'm not just saying this out of spite. She can barely look after herself! But while I was awake I was on Pinterest just fangirling when I came across a quote which I knew to be true oh so well and found a few more before deciding that's what I wanted to do. I want to get real with you guys. I want to open up. I have a load of problems and no one to talk to about them. So, this is my way of venting. Even if no one reads my blog I find it relaxing reading through old ones to see the milestone I have over come.
"My current situation is not my permanent destination."
This I find to be so true as I am always dreaming of a better life. I know I will find my happiness once I have my dream. Well, I hope so anyway. I have the dream of becoming an actress. It took a lot of work to find myself but I finally made it. I'm currently in college on a course for performing arts. I have never wanted something so much in my life and I try and work towards it almost everyday. My current situation is being stuck in the same place with the same routine. I want change. That's all I need so I am going to aspire to do at least one thing a day to make me a happier person or do something which will get me a step closer to moving away to America and becoming an actress. I know the chances of me making it in the show business is slim to non but some people have to do it.
Whenever I get anxious about if I'm making the right decisions in life I always overthink it deeply. The chances of me being born was 1 in 400 billion. The chances of become an actress is wider than that. I am willing to put all of my effort into becoming who I want to be. I want to be happy, I don't want to be anxious, I want to go for walks and I want to be in shape. Normally, I think I am a shape... Round is a shape but I mean it when I say 'I can make it!'.
I've gotten so sick of putting myself down and saying that I can't do something because I'm not pretty or because I wasn't good enough but I now I mean war. I've recently gained the motivation to push myself. In dance class, I shattered my ankle doing a flip terribly because I can't dance and even though every time I landed badly and limped home bruised and bleeding, the most satisfying thing was when I stuck the landing knew that I worked hard to do it.
My permanent destination. I believe my permanent destination is acting. I've always wanted to be a performer and I always hid it away and ignored it but all I did was waste my own time. I always knew what I wanted yet there I was lying to myself as I said I didn't because I didn't believe I could make it.
I hope one day I read back on this and have proven my old me wrong,
Girls alias.
Welcome to my blog or if you're coming back then hello again.
Last night, the night of the new year, I didn't sleep. Not because I was partying hard but for other annoying reasons... Otherwise known as a screaming baby. No the baby is not mine before people start jumping to conclusions but the baby's mother is barely fit to be one and I'm not just saying this out of spite. She can barely look after herself! But while I was awake I was on Pinterest just fangirling when I came across a quote which I knew to be true oh so well and found a few more before deciding that's what I wanted to do. I want to get real with you guys. I want to open up. I have a load of problems and no one to talk to about them. So, this is my way of venting. Even if no one reads my blog I find it relaxing reading through old ones to see the milestone I have over come.
"My current situation is not my permanent destination."
This I find to be so true as I am always dreaming of a better life. I know I will find my happiness once I have my dream. Well, I hope so anyway. I have the dream of becoming an actress. It took a lot of work to find myself but I finally made it. I'm currently in college on a course for performing arts. I have never wanted something so much in my life and I try and work towards it almost everyday. My current situation is being stuck in the same place with the same routine. I want change. That's all I need so I am going to aspire to do at least one thing a day to make me a happier person or do something which will get me a step closer to moving away to America and becoming an actress. I know the chances of me making it in the show business is slim to non but some people have to do it.
Whenever I get anxious about if I'm making the right decisions in life I always overthink it deeply. The chances of me being born was 1 in 400 billion. The chances of become an actress is wider than that. I am willing to put all of my effort into becoming who I want to be. I want to be happy, I don't want to be anxious, I want to go for walks and I want to be in shape. Normally, I think I am a shape... Round is a shape but I mean it when I say 'I can make it!'.
I've gotten so sick of putting myself down and saying that I can't do something because I'm not pretty or because I wasn't good enough but I now I mean war. I've recently gained the motivation to push myself. In dance class, I shattered my ankle doing a flip terribly because I can't dance and even though every time I landed badly and limped home bruised and bleeding, the most satisfying thing was when I stuck the landing knew that I worked hard to do it.
My permanent destination. I believe my permanent destination is acting. I've always wanted to be a performer and I always hid it away and ignored it but all I did was waste my own time. I always knew what I wanted yet there I was lying to myself as I said I didn't because I didn't believe I could make it.
I hope one day I read back on this and have proven my old me wrong,
Girls alias.
Sunday, 3 July 2016
Late nights and picking fights.
After my experiences with creepy and supernatural things going on I have to admit I had to get night lights. I know I'm acting like a baby but my family has a history of seeing things they shouldn't. I went out and got bright coloured night lights which calmed me down a lot and I think I'm going to have them every night of my life because they were so calming and relieved so much stress and I had the best sleep I have in a while. After that not much happened, I just scrolled on the internet and ate.... A lot of junk!
I also got one of my sister to start watching Teen Wolf but she was in such a bad mood and didn't like it. I protested that it was because we'd only watched 3 episodes but I'm thinking if she isn't hooked already she might never be. I strongly believe that she'll love it but she can hold a grudge like nobodies business which means if she doesn't like it within a few seasons she'll refuse to watch it or simply hate it. I didn't know it was possible. I'm might just killer... That'll solve everything!
I'm gonna go downstairs and eat because although I was eating a load of junk this morning I skipped all meals. Sorry for the tiny chapter but my challenge for you today is make a goal for tomorrow and see it through. I'm going to set my goal as go for a walk tomorrow because it's a bit of freedom before my summer camp and it'll be nice to get some fresh air as I haven't been on a relaxing walk for a while.
I mean I went on a walk yesterday to Subway (Don't judge) but it wasn't relaxing because it began raining like crazy and I came back soaking wet. I love the rain but not when I'm carrying two ice cold drinks in my hands.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
I also got one of my sister to start watching Teen Wolf but she was in such a bad mood and didn't like it. I protested that it was because we'd only watched 3 episodes but I'm thinking if she isn't hooked already she might never be. I strongly believe that she'll love it but she can hold a grudge like nobodies business which means if she doesn't like it within a few seasons she'll refuse to watch it or simply hate it. I didn't know it was possible. I'm might just killer... That'll solve everything!
I'm gonna go downstairs and eat because although I was eating a load of junk this morning I skipped all meals. Sorry for the tiny chapter but my challenge for you today is make a goal for tomorrow and see it through. I'm going to set my goal as go for a walk tomorrow because it's a bit of freedom before my summer camp and it'll be nice to get some fresh air as I haven't been on a relaxing walk for a while.
I mean I went on a walk yesterday to Subway (Don't judge) but it wasn't relaxing because it began raining like crazy and I came back soaking wet. I love the rain but not when I'm carrying two ice cold drinks in my hands.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
Saturday, 2 July 2016
I think my house is haunted.
I didn't upload yesterday because I was having a relaxing day then uploading later but could. So what happened was... I was lying on my bed just watching some YouTubers before locking my iPad. In the reflection were my face and the face of some young woman where there should have been a blank wall. I was shocked with fear that I couldn't take my eyes off of her until finally I blinked and she was gone. I unlocked my iPad and messaged my sister to knock on my door 4 times before walking in which is what she did. I was so freaked out and refused to stay in there any longer. I went downstairs and after telling my dad he informed me that a few days prior my mum was going to bed and before she turned the light on she heard some girl whispered behind the door "Hi" or "Mum" She couldn't really tell and refused to spend the night in there. I didn't know this so freaked out.
I have been feeling weird like something was here or someone was watching me and now I know why...
A little later my sister and I ventured upstairs and all was fine till we walked to the end of the hall to my room. I reached for the handle and the second my finger touched it my dog barked freaking us all out because my dad believes that dogs and babies can see the dead. I wasn't going to risk it so pushed my sister out of the way and ran back downstairs. I wasn't going to die because my sister was too slow. Later she confessed that she was going to whisper "Hi" when I opened the door because she's evil. I sucked it up after watching a film with my family and went back to my room to go to bed utterly afraid. After getting ready I sat on my bed with the door closed and my lights on. I couldn't sleep at all till I heard my sister leaving for work so decided to sleep in her room where there was no ghosts, spirits or devils (like I said she had left). haha.
So, I refuse to go into my room and it killed me when I had to grab my laptop because I was close to doing it when I got my dad to grab it as I sat downstairs and waited. Needless to say, I might need Sam and Dean's help on this one. (Supernatural reference). I wrote anti-possession symbols on my arm so I'm set for now but if it comes off without me noticing then I'm screwed.
So, My challenge for you is to freak yourself out. Whether you watch a horror movie, watch a gameplay of a scary game (or play it yourself) You could maybe even tell stories with your friends and family about experiences.
I will not be doing the last one since my family and friends have a long history of creepy things going on and I'm not ready for it.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
I have been feeling weird like something was here or someone was watching me and now I know why...
A little later my sister and I ventured upstairs and all was fine till we walked to the end of the hall to my room. I reached for the handle and the second my finger touched it my dog barked freaking us all out because my dad believes that dogs and babies can see the dead. I wasn't going to risk it so pushed my sister out of the way and ran back downstairs. I wasn't going to die because my sister was too slow. Later she confessed that she was going to whisper "Hi" when I opened the door because she's evil. I sucked it up after watching a film with my family and went back to my room to go to bed utterly afraid. After getting ready I sat on my bed with the door closed and my lights on. I couldn't sleep at all till I heard my sister leaving for work so decided to sleep in her room where there was no ghosts, spirits or devils (like I said she had left). haha.
So, I refuse to go into my room and it killed me when I had to grab my laptop because I was close to doing it when I got my dad to grab it as I sat downstairs and waited. Needless to say, I might need Sam and Dean's help on this one. (Supernatural reference). I wrote anti-possession symbols on my arm so I'm set for now but if it comes off without me noticing then I'm screwed.
So, My challenge for you is to freak yourself out. Whether you watch a horror movie, watch a gameplay of a scary game (or play it yourself) You could maybe even tell stories with your friends and family about experiences.
I will not be doing the last one since my family and friends have a long history of creepy things going on and I'm not ready for it.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
Thursday, 30 June 2016
I got soooo much done.
Today was extremely eventful. So, I started off by only falling asleep at 9 in the morning and waking up at 1 in the afternoon, after that, I went downstairs, had some breakfast, took a shower, played GTA with my sister and that's it.
Although a lot didn't happen today it was really fun and I got to spend some time with my sisters because after play GTA all day my other sister joined us in watching Shane Dawson and I don't say this much. Who am I kidding I say it all the time as I fangirl? He gives me life! I was messaging my friend again today and it was a tiny bit awkward to begin and slow but by the end, it was like nothing happened, I really liked it and I hope it just continues because it would a shame to lose a 3 year best friend over something so small but being fangirls really helped because we got more comfortable after talking about Dylan O'Brien (HE GIVES ME LIFE!!!!!) and after that we ranted about the godly (Pun intended... Thor joke!) Tom Hiddleston dating Taylor Swift. Honestly, I'm mad of course but I'm just excited to hear the break song where she can't say anything bad about him because he's a true gentleman.
If Taylor were to write a break-up song about him this is what it would be like...:
"He was just perfect. He treated me like a lady, a queen, his everything. I can't really complain cos' he's perfect in every way. Yeah, I was the problem I was to blame he was too good and I did it for the fame."
Not trying to hate on Taylor she is fine in my books but I can just image that stage. Her sitting there with Ben and Jerries crying like a baby. Let's be honest I would too... But that's not the point.
Alright, I'm done rambling but today your challenge is to make a goal for the month. In the month of July, my goal is going to be sleep right because I'm an insomniac but I don't do anything to stop it. I can run on like 3 hours of sleep for a whole week but it's not healthy and I want to attempt to healthier because I am screwed up medically and I don't really fight it, I just coexist with my illnesses.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
Although a lot didn't happen today it was really fun and I got to spend some time with my sisters because after play GTA all day my other sister joined us in watching Shane Dawson and I don't say this much. Who am I kidding I say it all the time as I fangirl? He gives me life! I was messaging my friend again today and it was a tiny bit awkward to begin and slow but by the end, it was like nothing happened, I really liked it and I hope it just continues because it would a shame to lose a 3 year best friend over something so small but being fangirls really helped because we got more comfortable after talking about Dylan O'Brien (HE GIVES ME LIFE!!!!!) and after that we ranted about the godly (Pun intended... Thor joke!) Tom Hiddleston dating Taylor Swift. Honestly, I'm mad of course but I'm just excited to hear the break song where she can't say anything bad about him because he's a true gentleman.
If Taylor were to write a break-up song about him this is what it would be like...:
"He was just perfect. He treated me like a lady, a queen, his everything. I can't really complain cos' he's perfect in every way. Yeah, I was the problem I was to blame he was too good and I did it for the fame."
Not trying to hate on Taylor she is fine in my books but I can just image that stage. Her sitting there with Ben and Jerries crying like a baby. Let's be honest I would too... But that's not the point.
Alright, I'm done rambling but today your challenge is to make a goal for the month. In the month of July, my goal is going to be sleep right because I'm an insomniac but I don't do anything to stop it. I can run on like 3 hours of sleep for a whole week but it's not healthy and I want to attempt to healthier because I am screwed up medically and I don't really fight it, I just coexist with my illnesses.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
Wednesday, 29 June 2016
Lots of time, little to do.
Since I had the luxury of sleeping in and not going to school I decided to go to the cinemas with my sister. We watch the secret lives of pets which I loved.
I'm currently sitting in bed with my new jumper on. I have been in it all day and I love it. My sister bought me a Teen Wolf Lacrosse jumper and I'm infatuated with it. I can't take it off. Other than that not much happened today except I talked to my friend.
It was extremely awkward at first and between each message, there was a few minutes pause but in the end, I had a breakdown and like usual she was there for me to help. I have to admit I considered not sorting things out because I thought that I shouldn't have to settle for someone for the sake of having someone but I came to realize that she made me happy and I needed her.
She would always distract me from my troubles and she always listened when things were bad. She was an amazing best friend and a fellow fangirl. It would be a complete shame for me to lose my best friend to a small argument which only occurred because tensions were high due to school and life stress. She helped me see that. I hope that soon it won't be awkward between us at all and we can go back the way we were or at least somewhat close. The letter I received yesterday from my past self, helped me see that she was best friend then and she still was until recently (because of me) but she has stayed with me this long and been through so much with me as well as guide me in the right direction so I shouldn't give in to my depression and anxiety as it pushes people away. I have to fight for every second because having a tomorrow is a privilege that I take for granted.
I believe she was born to be my guardian angel and platonic soul mate. Without her, I might not be alive and we're so similar that often we would state that we were the same person and I have never realized how amazing that is till now.
So, your challenge is to appreciate everything you have and see it as a blessing. I want you to thank everyone that helps you every single day and show them that you care. So, I'm going to go hug my parents and friends.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
I'm currently sitting in bed with my new jumper on. I have been in it all day and I love it. My sister bought me a Teen Wolf Lacrosse jumper and I'm infatuated with it. I can't take it off. Other than that not much happened today except I talked to my friend.
It was extremely awkward at first and between each message, there was a few minutes pause but in the end, I had a breakdown and like usual she was there for me to help. I have to admit I considered not sorting things out because I thought that I shouldn't have to settle for someone for the sake of having someone but I came to realize that she made me happy and I needed her.
She would always distract me from my troubles and she always listened when things were bad. She was an amazing best friend and a fellow fangirl. It would be a complete shame for me to lose my best friend to a small argument which only occurred because tensions were high due to school and life stress. She helped me see that. I hope that soon it won't be awkward between us at all and we can go back the way we were or at least somewhat close. The letter I received yesterday from my past self, helped me see that she was best friend then and she still was until recently (because of me) but she has stayed with me this long and been through so much with me as well as guide me in the right direction so I shouldn't give in to my depression and anxiety as it pushes people away. I have to fight for every second because having a tomorrow is a privilege that I take for granted.
I believe she was born to be my guardian angel and platonic soul mate. Without her, I might not be alive and we're so similar that often we would state that we were the same person and I have never realized how amazing that is till now.
So, your challenge is to appreciate everything you have and see it as a blessing. I want you to thank everyone that helps you every single day and show them that you care. So, I'm going to go hug my parents and friends.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
Tuesday, 28 June 2016
Did I do the right thing?
Today marks my last day of school until summer camp and higher education. In yesterday's blog, I asked if you could apologise to someone and show them you mean it. So apologise I did. I messaged my ex-best friend (Due to a petty argument) explaining that I was sorry and hoped to become friends again which she gladly excepted. Although, things are very awkward between us I feel like it is progress even though she avoided sitting beside me in assembly. But while messaging her she asked if I wanted to go to prom like we planned but I declined. I had made plans with my sister and I thought it would be too awkward.
I have to say I do regret it. Due to my anxiety, I missed out on what could have been the best day of my life and I'll never know. I have never been to a school dance or a prom before and I always wanted to because of modern Cinderella films yet I didn't go to one when I had the chance. I'm filled with regret and anger (I'm angry at myself.).
All I want to do in life is make it. Make it what I want. Make it as an actress. Move out and away from here. Move to the la la land of LA. All of these have two things in common, they are unrealistic and they've all been a part of my dream since I can remember. It wouldn't surprise me if I was dreaming about being an actress in my mothers whom. The most frightening thing to me isn't being alone forever or heights, it's not making it and disappointing everyone around me.
I just don't want to be stuck here forever. It's like putting a bear in a tiny birds cage... It's bound to break free but only if it fights for it. I just don't know if it worth fighting.
Today in school we received letters from our fast selves and I refused to read mine in school even though I couldn't remember what I had written in it. Back then I wasn't depressed but somehow I just knew. In my letter I said :
Hang in there. I know it's tough and I know that if someone is reading this then you have made it this far and for that, I'm so proud of you! Don't lose sight of your dreams no matter how unrealistic they may be. I know you're a fighter but sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war. I know it's hard for you but I want you to smile today and every day when you think of your future. You can make it! I believe in you! I believe in us! You can make it and say to everyone that ever doubted you that you were good enough and you were needed no matter how much they tell you your not....
I guess back then I was wise.
My challenge for you is to write yourself a letter of inspiration like I did and forget what you wrote in it. You have to put it in an envelope and seal it. You are allowed to open it only when your dreams become reality because I know you can make it.
Sorry to end this on a sad note but there's not much left to say.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
I have to say I do regret it. Due to my anxiety, I missed out on what could have been the best day of my life and I'll never know. I have never been to a school dance or a prom before and I always wanted to because of modern Cinderella films yet I didn't go to one when I had the chance. I'm filled with regret and anger (I'm angry at myself.).
All I want to do in life is make it. Make it what I want. Make it as an actress. Move out and away from here. Move to the la la land of LA. All of these have two things in common, they are unrealistic and they've all been a part of my dream since I can remember. It wouldn't surprise me if I was dreaming about being an actress in my mothers whom. The most frightening thing to me isn't being alone forever or heights, it's not making it and disappointing everyone around me.
I just don't want to be stuck here forever. It's like putting a bear in a tiny birds cage... It's bound to break free but only if it fights for it. I just don't know if it worth fighting.
Today in school we received letters from our fast selves and I refused to read mine in school even though I couldn't remember what I had written in it. Back then I wasn't depressed but somehow I just knew. In my letter I said :
Hang in there. I know it's tough and I know that if someone is reading this then you have made it this far and for that, I'm so proud of you! Don't lose sight of your dreams no matter how unrealistic they may be. I know you're a fighter but sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war. I know it's hard for you but I want you to smile today and every day when you think of your future. You can make it! I believe in you! I believe in us! You can make it and say to everyone that ever doubted you that you were good enough and you were needed no matter how much they tell you your not....
I guess back then I was wise.
My challenge for you is to write yourself a letter of inspiration like I did and forget what you wrote in it. You have to put it in an envelope and seal it. You are allowed to open it only when your dreams become reality because I know you can make it.
Sorry to end this on a sad note but there's not much left to say.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
Monday, 27 June 2016
FREEDOM!
Today I'm free.
I have finished my final exam and although I wasn't confident with it I was still so excited once it was done. I don't know why but as soon as I left the exam I wanted to jump with joy and dance around even though I'm terrified of the future.
I do have to go to school one last time tomorrow for a leavers assembly but it won't be that bad... Hopefully.
Tomorrow is actually prom night but I'm not going. I was going to go with my friends and just hang out and not take it seriously like a lot of people are but I had an argument with my best friend and everyone from the friend group stayed with her while I skipped lunch to avoid them. I have to admit... I can be a bitch. Basically, I complained about her inviting some guy to our private plans and it all spiralled out of control. The guy she invited I don't get on with because he reminds me of myself so I'm easily annoyed at him and hate him. I do feel bad about hating him because it's not his fault but the hatred washes over me and I can't help but glare or say a snide comment.
My friends and I were a pack. We had each other's backs and now I'm the lonely Omega who used to be a co-Alpha. I feel like it's too late to heal anything even though she has been my best friend for years. I don't know what to do and feel so guilty for feeling the way I do.
I wish I didn't have depression and anxiety. I just feel so trapped in my own body. I know what I shouldn't do yet I do it anyway. I feel homesick and I always do, even when I'm sitting in bed. There's too much going on and I can't think straight. Just in time for my summer holidays where I'll be sitting in the house watching films, fangirling, reading some books, fangirling, reading fanfiction and fangirling.
I love fangirling!
Anyway, my personal challenge for you is to apologise to someone. Whether you hurt their feelings when you were kids or simply apologise for not cleaning your room when you're told to (Guilty!) and I want you to show them that you mean it and patch up any relationships or friendships that are taboo subjects so you can live life to the fullest.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
Sunday, 26 June 2016
I've never been so afraid in my life!
So, welcome to my blog.
The most random and moronic blog you may ever read. Although this may seem like a bad way to start I thought I would be honest with you. I have depression and anxiety with a terrible anger problem.
So, I'm having a bit of an existential crisis. Tomorrow I have my final exam of the season and it would be an understatement if I said I wasn't prepared. Me having a panic attack over my inevitable failure lead my mind to wonder about later life.
As not many of you will know, I wish to be an actress.
After many, many tears I got annoyed at myself. Although people should feel utterly upset while having a break down I only got angry at myself.
I went to the wonderful world of Google and found the probabilities of making it as a movie star.
Me being born me had the probability of 1 in 20 million but after looking up the probability of being a movie star was 1 in 1,303,000 which is lower odds than me being born the way I am.
This really helped with bringing my spirits up as well as watching the internship. I love this film and if you haven't watched it then you're missing out! It has Dylan Obrien in it who is one of my idols and is a part of the reason why I want to be an actress. I also love actors like Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, Jared Padalecki, Tyler Posey, Dylan Sprayberry, Daniel Radcliff, Martin Freeman, Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr and much more.
As you may be able to guess from this line up I am a huge fan of Teen Wolf, Supernatural, The Maze Runner, The Avengers, Harry Potter and the hobbit and much more.
Confession: I'm a fangirl!
I have a task for you. I want you to find the probability of you become what you want to become whether that's a model, a lawyer or a YouTuber and compare it to the probability of 1 in 20 million and who knows? Maybe it will make you feel better if you have any doubt that you can make it like I know you can.
If you'd like you can message me your probabilities or anything you'd like to tell me.
Thanks for reading,
Girls alias.
The most random and moronic blog you may ever read. Although this may seem like a bad way to start I thought I would be honest with you. I have depression and anxiety with a terrible anger problem.
So, I'm having a bit of an existential crisis. Tomorrow I have my final exam of the season and it would be an understatement if I said I wasn't prepared. Me having a panic attack over my inevitable failure lead my mind to wonder about later life.
As not many of you will know, I wish to be an actress.
After many, many tears I got annoyed at myself. Although people should feel utterly upset while having a break down I only got angry at myself.
I went to the wonderful world of Google and found the probabilities of making it as a movie star.
Me being born me had the probability of 1 in 20 million but after looking up the probability of being a movie star was 1 in 1,303,000 which is lower odds than me being born the way I am.
This really helped with bringing my spirits up as well as watching the internship. I love this film and if you haven't watched it then you're missing out! It has Dylan Obrien in it who is one of my idols and is a part of the reason why I want to be an actress. I also love actors like Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, Jared Padalecki, Tyler Posey, Dylan Sprayberry, Daniel Radcliff, Martin Freeman, Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr and much more.
As you may be able to guess from this line up I am a huge fan of Teen Wolf, Supernatural, The Maze Runner, The Avengers, Harry Potter and the hobbit and much more.
Confession: I'm a fangirl!
I have a task for you. I want you to find the probability of you become what you want to become whether that's a model, a lawyer or a YouTuber and compare it to the probability of 1 in 20 million and who knows? Maybe it will make you feel better if you have any doubt that you can make it like I know you can.
If you'd like you can message me your probabilities or anything you'd like to tell me.
Thanks for reading,
Girls alias.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)