Hey guys,
So, since I am wanting Reality check to be a weekly thing, I'll get started.
"Be the person you needed as a kid."
This one got me. I was always aiming to be thinner or be prettier but what I didn't realize was that I was supposed to me working on the inside. Coming from someone who grew up with depression I have to say that I needed someone who was good at listening, was always there for me, was stable, watched movies with me and more importantly someone who would just sit with me and talk about deep things on the stairs in the back garden. (I know oddly specific...) But that's who I needed so now I am working on how to become that person. Although, I already do most of these things I want to work on making them more prominent.
When I first meet someone, I don't want them to go away thinking I have nice eyes I want them going away thinking I was a good listener, easy to talk to, funny and had nice eyes.
If everyone was who they needed growing up then this world would be amazing. It wouldn't be perfect but it'd be pretty damn good.
Thanks and sorry for the short post but bye,
Girls alias.
Friday 13 January 2017
Friday 6 January 2017
How I told him I was in love with him..
Hey guys,
Welcome.
I figured I would make the 'Reality check' a weekly post but I thought I would just chat with you guys today...
Alright, so. Quick update on my life. In case you didn't know I am currently in college and when I was at a summer school I formed a huge crush on this guy! We met in early July and didn't see or talk to each other again till college actually began in September. The worst few months of my life as I wondered if I'd see him again or if he'd still remember me. So, since he didn't start for a little while after the course began I was left feeling distraught and disappointed even though I didn't know his last name.
He eventually came into college and did remember me and since then we've grown close FRIENDS but my crush on him turned into love and pretty much everyone knew about it except him. We'd both have flirtatious jokes and would mess with each other constantly, people often assumed we knew each other before college or were dating. But I didn't tell him how I felt and I waited too long because the other day he told me that he finally asked the girl he'd been taking on dates to be his girlfriend. Since it was just me and him in college doing work the pressure was on for me to act like I was proud of him even though it killed me inside. I've said it before and I'll say it again "As long as he's happy then that's the most important thing." But the 2 friends I told about it wanted to kill her. You know as you would...
To change the subject I accidentally said that he had 2 girls fall for him. *FACE PALM!!!!!!* He then began trying to work out who they were and since he see's himself as Sherlock Holmes he deduced that it was between me and another girl in class before ruling her out. I shrugged it off and never said that it wasn't me as I always dodged it by asking questions like 'Why would I like you?!'. 'What's my motives?!' and things like that but he was fully convinced. The annoying thing is, before he began working it out he told me to remember the words "Elastic band." (I'll get back to it in a minute).
When we were walking into town he decided to keep bringing it up so he sent me over tipping point and I confessed that it was me. I kind of played him on that since I kind of wanted to tell him to get a weight off of my shoulders. At first he was shocked but went on to continue smiling as he made jokes and we didn't make it awkward which is usually a profession of mine. So then I have to explain myself a little and I do but I only tell him I have a crush on him but I dropped myself in it when I accidentally said that I'd had a crush on him since the first thing we said to each other. (Which I fangirled over when he quoted it earlier in the day showing that he truly remembered). He began relieving the tension when he began chanting that I had feeling for him, loud enough for all the people to hear him. I jokingly shoved him and just before we left each other he said to remember the Elastic band.
When I questioned him about the elastic band it hit me and I felt like an idiot. So, earlier I was supposed to message my friend a message calling my feelings for him an elastic band because whenever I try and get over him, I'm dragged back to liking him and falling deeper, but me being the idiot that I am... I accidentally sent it to a small group chat that he was in.
"Ugh, I thought I was over him but the elastic band snapped back into shape :("
May I add that this was a week ago. He was thinking and wondering about the "Elastic band" for a week! Ugh, My brain is mush...
I haven't been overthinking it too much and am feeling pretty chill about it since we've messaged each other like nothings happened and the annoying thing is... It's made me like him more! I know he has a girlfriend now but it's not like I'm going to do anything. But telling him and asking him to not act differently around me really showed me how much he cared because he swore to not change and he kept my emotions in mind so I didn't go home crying.
But I did have my music in and I was told it was a sign that the only songs that played on shuffle were love songs which I don't listen to. At one point I was thinking to myself about being able to get over him now and then the song "Living a lie" played. *SIGH!!!*
I also couldn't sleep that night but not due to over thinking or anything but I put in my head phones and a song I didn't know I had played which described the whole situation too accurately.The chorus is literally:... "I hate you, I love you. I hate that I love you but I can't put nobody else above you. I hate you, I love you, I hate that I want you but you want her and you need her and I will never be her." It hit me deep and I did cry a little but after the first time hearing it I was okay with it and learned to love it.
Anyway, I think that's enough for today...
Girls alias.
Welcome.
I figured I would make the 'Reality check' a weekly post but I thought I would just chat with you guys today...
Alright, so. Quick update on my life. In case you didn't know I am currently in college and when I was at a summer school I formed a huge crush on this guy! We met in early July and didn't see or talk to each other again till college actually began in September. The worst few months of my life as I wondered if I'd see him again or if he'd still remember me. So, since he didn't start for a little while after the course began I was left feeling distraught and disappointed even though I didn't know his last name.
He eventually came into college and did remember me and since then we've grown close FRIENDS but my crush on him turned into love and pretty much everyone knew about it except him. We'd both have flirtatious jokes and would mess with each other constantly, people often assumed we knew each other before college or were dating. But I didn't tell him how I felt and I waited too long because the other day he told me that he finally asked the girl he'd been taking on dates to be his girlfriend. Since it was just me and him in college doing work the pressure was on for me to act like I was proud of him even though it killed me inside. I've said it before and I'll say it again "As long as he's happy then that's the most important thing." But the 2 friends I told about it wanted to kill her. You know as you would...
To change the subject I accidentally said that he had 2 girls fall for him. *FACE PALM!!!!!!* He then began trying to work out who they were and since he see's himself as Sherlock Holmes he deduced that it was between me and another girl in class before ruling her out. I shrugged it off and never said that it wasn't me as I always dodged it by asking questions like 'Why would I like you?!'. 'What's my motives?!' and things like that but he was fully convinced. The annoying thing is, before he began working it out he told me to remember the words "Elastic band." (I'll get back to it in a minute).
When we were walking into town he decided to keep bringing it up so he sent me over tipping point and I confessed that it was me. I kind of played him on that since I kind of wanted to tell him to get a weight off of my shoulders. At first he was shocked but went on to continue smiling as he made jokes and we didn't make it awkward which is usually a profession of mine. So then I have to explain myself a little and I do but I only tell him I have a crush on him but I dropped myself in it when I accidentally said that I'd had a crush on him since the first thing we said to each other. (Which I fangirled over when he quoted it earlier in the day showing that he truly remembered). He began relieving the tension when he began chanting that I had feeling for him, loud enough for all the people to hear him. I jokingly shoved him and just before we left each other he said to remember the Elastic band.
When I questioned him about the elastic band it hit me and I felt like an idiot. So, earlier I was supposed to message my friend a message calling my feelings for him an elastic band because whenever I try and get over him, I'm dragged back to liking him and falling deeper, but me being the idiot that I am... I accidentally sent it to a small group chat that he was in.
"Ugh, I thought I was over him but the elastic band snapped back into shape :("
May I add that this was a week ago. He was thinking and wondering about the "Elastic band" for a week! Ugh, My brain is mush...
I haven't been overthinking it too much and am feeling pretty chill about it since we've messaged each other like nothings happened and the annoying thing is... It's made me like him more! I know he has a girlfriend now but it's not like I'm going to do anything. But telling him and asking him to not act differently around me really showed me how much he cared because he swore to not change and he kept my emotions in mind so I didn't go home crying.
But I did have my music in and I was told it was a sign that the only songs that played on shuffle were love songs which I don't listen to. At one point I was thinking to myself about being able to get over him now and then the song "Living a lie" played. *SIGH!!!*
I also couldn't sleep that night but not due to over thinking or anything but I put in my head phones and a song I didn't know I had played which described the whole situation too accurately.The chorus is literally:... "I hate you, I love you. I hate that I love you but I can't put nobody else above you. I hate you, I love you, I hate that I want you but you want her and you need her and I will never be her." It hit me deep and I did cry a little but after the first time hearing it I was okay with it and learned to love it.
Anyway, I think that's enough for today...
Girls alias.
Sunday 1 January 2017
"." Reality check!
Hey guys,
Welcome to my blog or if you're coming back then hello again.
Last night, the night of the new year, I didn't sleep. Not because I was partying hard but for other annoying reasons... Otherwise known as a screaming baby. No the baby is not mine before people start jumping to conclusions but the baby's mother is barely fit to be one and I'm not just saying this out of spite. She can barely look after herself! But while I was awake I was on Pinterest just fangirling when I came across a quote which I knew to be true oh so well and found a few more before deciding that's what I wanted to do. I want to get real with you guys. I want to open up. I have a load of problems and no one to talk to about them. So, this is my way of venting. Even if no one reads my blog I find it relaxing reading through old ones to see the milestone I have over come.
"My current situation is not my permanent destination."
This I find to be so true as I am always dreaming of a better life. I know I will find my happiness once I have my dream. Well, I hope so anyway. I have the dream of becoming an actress. It took a lot of work to find myself but I finally made it. I'm currently in college on a course for performing arts. I have never wanted something so much in my life and I try and work towards it almost everyday. My current situation is being stuck in the same place with the same routine. I want change. That's all I need so I am going to aspire to do at least one thing a day to make me a happier person or do something which will get me a step closer to moving away to America and becoming an actress. I know the chances of me making it in the show business is slim to non but some people have to do it.
Whenever I get anxious about if I'm making the right decisions in life I always overthink it deeply. The chances of me being born was 1 in 400 billion. The chances of become an actress is wider than that. I am willing to put all of my effort into becoming who I want to be. I want to be happy, I don't want to be anxious, I want to go for walks and I want to be in shape. Normally, I think I am a shape... Round is a shape but I mean it when I say 'I can make it!'.
I've gotten so sick of putting myself down and saying that I can't do something because I'm not pretty or because I wasn't good enough but I now I mean war. I've recently gained the motivation to push myself. In dance class, I shattered my ankle doing a flip terribly because I can't dance and even though every time I landed badly and limped home bruised and bleeding, the most satisfying thing was when I stuck the landing knew that I worked hard to do it.
My permanent destination. I believe my permanent destination is acting. I've always wanted to be a performer and I always hid it away and ignored it but all I did was waste my own time. I always knew what I wanted yet there I was lying to myself as I said I didn't because I didn't believe I could make it.
I hope one day I read back on this and have proven my old me wrong,
Girls alias.
Welcome to my blog or if you're coming back then hello again.
Last night, the night of the new year, I didn't sleep. Not because I was partying hard but for other annoying reasons... Otherwise known as a screaming baby. No the baby is not mine before people start jumping to conclusions but the baby's mother is barely fit to be one and I'm not just saying this out of spite. She can barely look after herself! But while I was awake I was on Pinterest just fangirling when I came across a quote which I knew to be true oh so well and found a few more before deciding that's what I wanted to do. I want to get real with you guys. I want to open up. I have a load of problems and no one to talk to about them. So, this is my way of venting. Even if no one reads my blog I find it relaxing reading through old ones to see the milestone I have over come.
"My current situation is not my permanent destination."
This I find to be so true as I am always dreaming of a better life. I know I will find my happiness once I have my dream. Well, I hope so anyway. I have the dream of becoming an actress. It took a lot of work to find myself but I finally made it. I'm currently in college on a course for performing arts. I have never wanted something so much in my life and I try and work towards it almost everyday. My current situation is being stuck in the same place with the same routine. I want change. That's all I need so I am going to aspire to do at least one thing a day to make me a happier person or do something which will get me a step closer to moving away to America and becoming an actress. I know the chances of me making it in the show business is slim to non but some people have to do it.
Whenever I get anxious about if I'm making the right decisions in life I always overthink it deeply. The chances of me being born was 1 in 400 billion. The chances of become an actress is wider than that. I am willing to put all of my effort into becoming who I want to be. I want to be happy, I don't want to be anxious, I want to go for walks and I want to be in shape. Normally, I think I am a shape... Round is a shape but I mean it when I say 'I can make it!'.
I've gotten so sick of putting myself down and saying that I can't do something because I'm not pretty or because I wasn't good enough but I now I mean war. I've recently gained the motivation to push myself. In dance class, I shattered my ankle doing a flip terribly because I can't dance and even though every time I landed badly and limped home bruised and bleeding, the most satisfying thing was when I stuck the landing knew that I worked hard to do it.
My permanent destination. I believe my permanent destination is acting. I've always wanted to be a performer and I always hid it away and ignored it but all I did was waste my own time. I always knew what I wanted yet there I was lying to myself as I said I didn't because I didn't believe I could make it.
I hope one day I read back on this and have proven my old me wrong,
Girls alias.
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