Today marks my last day of school until summer camp and higher education. In yesterday's blog, I asked if you could apologise to someone and show them you mean it. So apologise I did. I messaged my ex-best friend (Due to a petty argument) explaining that I was sorry and hoped to become friends again which she gladly excepted. Although, things are very awkward between us I feel like it is progress even though she avoided sitting beside me in assembly. But while messaging her she asked if I wanted to go to prom like we planned but I declined. I had made plans with my sister and I thought it would be too awkward.
I have to say I do regret it. Due to my anxiety, I missed out on what could have been the best day of my life and I'll never know. I have never been to a school dance or a prom before and I always wanted to because of modern Cinderella films yet I didn't go to one when I had the chance. I'm filled with regret and anger (I'm angry at myself.).
All I want to do in life is make it. Make it what I want. Make it as an actress. Move out and away from here. Move to the la la land of LA. All of these have two things in common, they are unrealistic and they've all been a part of my dream since I can remember. It wouldn't surprise me if I was dreaming about being an actress in my mothers whom. The most frightening thing to me isn't being alone forever or heights, it's not making it and disappointing everyone around me.
I just don't want to be stuck here forever. It's like putting a bear in a tiny birds cage... It's bound to break free but only if it fights for it. I just don't know if it worth fighting.
Today in school we received letters from our fast selves and I refused to read mine in school even though I couldn't remember what I had written in it. Back then I wasn't depressed but somehow I just knew. In my letter I said :
Hang in there. I know it's tough and I know that if someone is reading this then you have made it this far and for that, I'm so proud of you! Don't lose sight of your dreams no matter how unrealistic they may be. I know you're a fighter but sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war. I know it's hard for you but I want you to smile today and every day when you think of your future. You can make it! I believe in you! I believe in us! You can make it and say to everyone that ever doubted you that you were good enough and you were needed no matter how much they tell you your not....
I guess back then I was wise.
My challenge for you is to write yourself a letter of inspiration like I did and forget what you wrote in it. You have to put it in an envelope and seal it. You are allowed to open it only when your dreams become reality because I know you can make it.
Sorry to end this on a sad note but there's not much left to say.
Thanks for reading,
Girls Alias.
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